No Toilet Paper?

So… I’m doing a favor for a realtor friend of mine by sitting in an empty house (during an open house) so he can run around and do his “realtor” thing. “I should be long”, he says. About 15 minutes into it I feel the need to go visit the little girl’s room.
No biggie, I’ve been to open houses before when my husband and I were looking for a home. I’ll just run upstairs and be back before anyone notices.
I get upstairs to the bathroom, close the door, drop my pants and just as I sit down I notice there’s no toilet paper. Holy crap, what now?
I didn’t have to go that bad so I pulled up my pants and went to another bathroom. Still no toilet paper!
Have you ever noticed that your body knows when it’s close to the bathroom and it’s ready to open the flood gates? Yeah, I’m there, in state of emergency now.
Don’t the realtors know they’re going to be there for a while and think that they might have to go to the bathroom??
I run to the downstairs bathroom praying there’s paper there and … no luck. OMG!!
Wait I have tissue in my car… haha.
On my sprint to the car some looky loos show up and start asking questions. I tell them” I know nothing about the house; I’m just here for a few minutes because the realtor had to step out. There’s information in the house” and I run to my car.
I find the tissue and I tell myself, don’t panic, walk swiftly and nonchalant back into the house so no one will notice that you’re about to pee your pants.
Ignoring the same person that stopped me on way out to my car I slip into the bathroom, quickly drop my pants (Do you know how hard it is undo your belt and unzip your pants when your dancing?)
Finally, I sit down and enjoy the flow…ahhhh. What a relief.
Relaxed and refreshed I get dressed and flush the toilet. Are you kidding me??? There’s no water to flush the toilet?
I just want to scream. I put the toilet seat lid down and leave. Thank goodness the people have left. I had a bottle of water and a empty cup of ice in the car. I put the ice in the sun to melt and once it was water I pour them both in the toilet and flushed.
Note to self; Never agree to stay in an empty house without first checking if there is toilet paper and the water works!

Bottle or Tap?

Bottle or Tap?

Of all the different choices of water available there is only one that must meet the Safe Drinking Water Act (SDWA) standards. Guess which one that is… It’s TAP water.

I love the taste of bottled water, but tap water is actually better for you. Surprised? I sure was. Tap water tastes like shit, but it’s better for you than the chemically cleaned and processed bottled water.

Here in Nevada we meet those standards. We can’t keep our people employed or in houses but we can drink the water!

So, consider this….

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
And those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service!